I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize