I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
