Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
