Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize