I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
