My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
3pm strippers are depressing
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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