Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
