i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
