I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize