Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
3pm strippers are depressing
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize