You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize