Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Couch. On fire.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
