69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
