As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
