I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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