If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
