saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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