6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
