there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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