last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
