I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
