i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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