Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
