Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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