What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
