Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
