He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
