Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
