I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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