the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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