Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
