We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
