I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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