I want to make a zoo with you.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
