Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Randomize
