we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
