The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
