i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
