I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
