my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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