I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize