When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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