Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
