some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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