so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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