We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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