Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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