hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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