Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
organizing the empties. That sober.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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