We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
