So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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