she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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