Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I am one with the molecules
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
My life is pants optional.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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