She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
