You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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