been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
