Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
