She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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