okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I FOUND THE LEGS
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize