weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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