im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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