I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
