Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
