So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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