If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize