i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
