How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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