I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
