apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
