yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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